Dating apps and platforms, like those found on Twitter, Instagram, and other social media spaces, have grown in popularity as ways for people to connect, form relationships, and even meet potential spouses. Many platforms are created with good intentions, designed to help people reunite with soulmates or find genuine companionship. However, beneath the surface, there is a darker side to these platforms that often goes unspoken.

In a conservative society like Nigeria, where there is immense pressure, particularly on women, to get married, these platforms become a double-edged sword. Take, for example, my sister, who, under the weight of societal pressure to marry, turned to dating platforms. These platforms offered hope; a chance to meet someone who could lead to marriage. Yet, what she encountered was far from the romantic dream that these apps promise.

The first man she met, much like the Tinder Swindler, slowly siphoned money from her. Bit by bit, he would ask for small sums, making excuses about lost phones, stolen SIM cards, and financial problems. Over time, she found herself giving away over 100,000 naira, deceived by promises of love and sincerity. It’s a scam that preys on vulnerability and trust, with some perpetrators exploiting women’s emotional and financial resources without remorse.

Scammers frequently construct fictitious online personas to entice you. They may use a made-up name or impersonate real, trustworthy individuals such as military personnel, aid workers, or professionals working abroad – Ayodele Ali

Another man she met, under the guise of marriage, even got engaged to her. However, once he realized that our family wasn’t as wealthy as he had assumed, his intentions changed. He started showing his true colors and ended the engagement abruptly. The pain of being used and then discarded is not only emotionally exhausting but also demoralizing, especially for someone pressured to marry by family and society.

But what’s even more heartbreaking is that many women facing these situations can’t comfortably speak up. In Nigeria, there is a strong stigma attached to using dating apps. If a woman reveals that she was deceived or scammed on such platforms, society’s first response is often to blame her: “Why were you even on a dating app?” This immediate judgment silences many victims, making them feel ashamed instead of supported.

Victim-blaming is rampant. Instead of sympathizing with the victim, people question her intelligence, saying things like, “She must have been swindled because she has money,” shifting the blame away from the perpetrators. The idea that victims are at fault for seeking connection or love on a platform further discourages them from seeking justice or even sharing their experiences.

Healthy relationships develop trust gradually. Be wary of individuals professing deep love too soon or pressuring you to share personal information

This toxic cycle of silence and judgment needs to be broken. Dating apps, group chats, and social platforms may be created with good intentions, but they are also spaces where exploitation thrives. As a society, we must shift our focus from blaming victims to holding perpetrators accountable and providing support to those affected by these deceptive practices.

In the end, these platforms are only as good as the people who use them. While they offer hope for companionship, they also require us to be vigilant and cautious.