An intimate relationship requires people to be open and trusting. However, because of rejection, childhood traumas or, abuse from a previous partner, people create barriers instead of healthy boundaries.

Emotional connection is vital for any relationship to thrive. The absence of this connection creates a void filled with unhealthy traits, leading to distance, disconnection, and ultimately, the end of the relationship. One key reason relationships withstand challenges is the establishment of boundaries, which allows each partner to understand what brings them joy and what frustrates them. By knowing what we want, we can identify what we don’t.

Boundaries foster a strong sense of self and self-awareness. They uphold self-love and value, embodying self-esteem and worth. A person without boundaries can feel limitless, but this often leads to a depletion of their sense of self. In relationships, however, some individuals can take boundaries to an extreme, viewing them as barriers that create distance. In these situations, setting boundaries can feel like a punishment.

Some people may use boundaries as a tactic to avoid communication, connection, and compromise, ultimately undermining their compatibility. They might create walls to protect themselves while leaving their partners to navigate their emotions alone, particularly in situations where collaboration is needed. This rigidity transforms healthy boundaries into barriers that hinder connection.

Relationship boundaries are limits or rules we set for ourselves and others. While barriers are invisible roadblocks that prevent people from gaining access to our heart.

I can personally attest to being in a relationship where every effort was thwarted by my partner’s strict boundaries. This often left me questioning my worth. I was open to discussing difficult emotions and had no demands placed on the relationship, but my partner didn’t reciprocate, using boundaries as an excuse.

How to Recognise Stifling Boundaries

You can recognise stifling boundaries through various indicators:

Lack of Mutual Respect: Healthy boundaries arise from self-respect and promote mutual respect in relationships. If boundaries disrespect you as an individual and partner, they become barriers to emotional connection. Example: Avoiding communication or acting indifferent because you’re upset and unable to face difficult conversations.

Lack of Vulnerability: Healthy boundaries provide space for vulnerability and expressiveness. If you find yourself holding back emotions to adhere to those boundaries, it suggests an unhealthy situation that obstructs emotional growth. Example: Refusing to express your feelings during crucial moments to maintain peace or to validate your partner’s emotions.

Lack of Compromise: While healthy boundaries may seem restrictive, they should remain flexible and adaptable for loved ones. If boundaries consistently dismiss opportunities for compromise, it can leave one partner feeling neglected. Example: Frequently preferring to do things alone or repeatedly turning down your partner’s invitations for dates.

Lack of Satisfaction: A persistent lack of satisfaction in a relationship is a red flag. Boundaries should enhance growth and emotional connection. If they lead to dissatisfaction, they are likely to hinder healthy interactions. Example: Constantly declining your partner’s offers to spend quality time together simply because you prefer being alone.

Boundaries define us as people. However, rigid boundaries can exploit and isolate us. Using strict boundaries to foster distance in a healthy relationship undermines closeness. Boundaries exist to protect our needs while helping us maintain individuality, but they should not erode our connection to others. A balance can be achieved by being open-minded, willing to adjust our boundaries for our loved ones, and flexible in accommodating their needs. This is how we distinguish our loved ones from others. You should feel included and valued in your friendships and relationships, not restricted.